Fears for the Fearless
by the-vampire-act
Summary: Slashy Drabble. Spencer has hated circus' ever since he was a child. If only someone had told Hotch. Warning: H/R; mentions of'child abadonment.


**Written for The IKY'dU Blog - Hotch/Reid Writing Challenge: Round #6  
Blog Link: http :/www .Iknewyoudunderstand. Blogspot. com/  
Pen Name: the-vampire-act  
Title: Fears for the Fearless ****Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort  
Rating: T  
Prompt:** **Theme 2: A fair, carnival, or circus**

Fears for the Fearless

Spencer Reid fidgeted in the car as Aaron Hotchner drove at an alarmingly slow pace to the circus. He glanced at the speedometer and frowned; he was going over the speed limit, not under. Why did it all feel so slow…?

"Are you okay?" Hotch asked. He quickly glanced at his younger lover, who was growing paler by the minute.

"Nothing's wrong. Why, do I look okay?" Spencer frowned. He suddenly felt very self-conscious, and he turned around so he could check his reflection in the glass.

"I didn't mean it like that." Hotch sighed. Sometimes, he forgot how self-conscious Reid was, and right now seemed to be another of those times. "You're just a little more pale than usual." Spencer just nodded in response. He knew why he was growing so pale, and he was silently cheering that that seemed to be his only physical symptom of the anxiety he was feeling. Trust be told, he hated circuses, and he had a more than respectful reason why he should.

"I'll be fine." Spencer smiled.

"Good, because we're finally here." Hotch pulled into a parking lot surrounded by tents, clowns, and food, and he quickly parked before getting out of the car. Spencer wasn't nearly as excited as Hotch, and he frowned as he cautiously left the safety of Hotch's car.

As soon as Spencer's mind finally comprehended where he was, he almost immediately went into a full-blown panic attack. Spencer tried his best to fight it, though, and he kept repeating to himself that he would be fine; Hotch wouldn't let anything happen to him.

"You ready?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah." Spencer nodded. "Let's go." Spencer started walking toward the gate to the circus attentively as he measured his every step. He was terrified, but he knew that he shouldn't be; what had happened the last time he was at a circus wouldn't happen again….

"Are you sure you're okay?" Hotch asked. Ever since he had told Spencer that he wanted to take him to the circus, he had started acting…strange. At first, it had seemed like a good idea. Hotch doubted that Spencer had gone to a circus as a child, and he had wanted to give his lover the chance to do just that. Now, as Spencer let out a shaky breath and clearly fought of panic, he wasn't so sure.

"Can't…breath…." Spencer gasped. Before he managed to fall completely to the ground, Hotch caught him and pulled him up to his chest. He felt for the usual suspects- fever, cold, migraine, and in case this was a very severe case, heart and breath. Satisfied that everything seemed normal, Hotch pulled back from Spencer and started talking the younger man through what he had assessed as a panic attack.

"Put your head between your legs, okay Spencer? It'll pass- you all ready know that." Hotch instructed. Spencer tried to respond, but his mind kept pulling him away from reality. No matter how hard he tried, he kept being pushed back to the day that he had first gone to a circus…

"Mom, are you sure you want to do this?" the nine year-old boy asked. He knew that taking his mother to a place so crowded and noisy was a bad idea, but she was still the parent; she made the decisions.

"_Don't be silly, Spencer." She smiled back. "I've never taken you to a circus before, and I think it will be wonderful for both of us to get out of the house. We're waiting your entire summer sitting inside and reading all day long. You're a young boy; you need to experience these things. Now stop worrying; we're almost there." _

"_Alright." Spencer sighed. He kept quiet as he unfastened his seatbelt and walked out of the car. His mother took his hand as she approached the colorful place. A large smile on her face, she guided her boy into the place and awed in amazement at its contents. There were so many different types of people and acts, and there was action everyone. Large noises and crowds filled the entire place, but Spencer still knew that something was going to go wrong. _

_When Spencer turned around, he knew that he was right. _

"_Who are you? Who sent you?" Diana hissed at a young man. _

"_I'm sorry ma'am; if you don't want to buy an ice cream cone, you don't have to." The black-haired man said, his hands in the hair defensively. _

"_The government sent you! I know it!" _

"_Security!" _

"_Don't! They'll take me away- this is some… some government conspiracy! They're going to take me away! They're working with you!" _

_Before Spencer knew what was happening, his mother was being taken away, and a psych doctor- Dr. Jessen- was being called in. Spencer didn't know what to do; he knew they wouldn't let him see her, and he knew that if they found out she had a child, he would immediately be taken away from her. Seeing no other option, Spencer ran to a payphone and dialed the familiar number. He waited for the person on the other end to answer, praying that he would hear the voice. _

"_Hello?" _

"_Hey dad; it's me, Spencer. I-I need you." Spencer cursed at the quiver in his voice, and he mentally kicked himself for crying. _

"_Spencer, where are you?" _

"_Mom took me to the circus, but she had another episode. They called a psych doctor…" _

"_All right Spencer." William nodded. "I'm on my way, okay?" _

"_Y-yeah. Thank you." _

"_I'll be there soon, I promise. Just…stay near the gate. It'll be all right." With that, his father hung up. _

_Spencer started running towards the gate, ignoring the people around him asking if he wanted to see their show. One persistent circus 'sideshow' had tried to grab Spencer's arm and pull him in toward the show, but he screamed and the man immediately let go. _

_The young boy sat down beside the gates, waiting patiently with tears streaming down his cheeks. A few concerned mothers had stopped to ask if he was all right, but Spencer reassured him that someone was coming for him. _

"_Well, at least let me stay with you, okay?" a blond woman said. She sat down opposite of Spencer and stroked his hair as he curled into himself. Finally, after what had to be hours, William finally showed up. After a few words with the woman in the white sundress, she walked away with a smile, and Spencer was escorted to the car._

"_What happened, Spencer?" _

"_Nothing- she just panicked…."_

"Spencer? Spencer are you with us now?"

Spencer quickly realized that the voice didn't match Hotch's, and he started to panic again.

"I'm still here; it's okay." Hotch whispered. He squeezed his distraught lover's hand and let him scoot closer to him. "He's a medical advisor for the circus. He rushed over when he saw how long you were out. You're okay though."

"I… I want to leave." Spencer whimpered.

"That's understandable." He sighed. "Doctor, will it be all right if we leave?"

"He should be fine, yes." He nodded. "It was just a panic attack. Just give him some time to rest."

"Of course. Thank you." Hotch wrapped his arms around Spencer's thin waist and carefully helped the man stand up. With a shaky breath, Spencer pulled closer to Hotch and used him as a crutch to get to the car. A flash a déjà vu shot through him as he remembered his own father pulling him out from the circus almost twenty years ago. Spencer sighed as he realized that Hotch had been more gentle and caring throughout the whole process. He found something unsettling about that, but he let it go for the moment.

Before Spencer knew what was happening, Hotch was stopping the car in front of his apartment. He kissed Spencer's lips before pulling him out of the car and helping him up the stairs to apartment. Once Spencer opened the door, Hotch slid by him and set up a place on the couch for him to sleep. Spencer smiled at the kind action, but he frowned when he realized that he'd have to explain the situation to Hotch. As if reading his mind, Hotch shook his head.

"I'm not expecting you to tell me anything tonight. I want you to rest, okay? We can talk later."

"Thank you." Spencer whispered. Hotch just nodded and motioned for him to cuddle next to him. The younger man quickly buried into his older lover's chest and felt relieved when Hotch started stroking his back in circles. Within minutes, Spencer was asleep, and Hotch relaxed when he felt his lover physically do the same. He watched as he breathed softly into his chest. Seeing Spencer so content after the rough day he had had made Hotch smile. Reassured that he was all right, Hotch sighed and fell to sleep.

"It's never too late to get over a fear. All you need is a little help."


End file.
